God Puts Long Putter in Bag

THE GROWING POPULARITY OF THE long putter has now spread from country club gates to the pearly gates, as God Almighty announced in a statement that he has added the “broomstick” to his set after a few experimental practice sessions. The creator of the universe has watched with interest as players have won with long putters for three consecutive weeks on the PGA Tour.

Adam Scott was the first, rolling to an impressive win at the WGC-Bridgestone Invitational. PGA Tour rookie Keegan Bradley followed, winning the PGA Championship with a belly putter in his first major appearance. And on Sunday in Greensboro, North Carolina, Webb Simpson claimed his maiden PGA Tour victory using a long putter.

The strong momentum of the long putter among the professional ranks caught the attention of God—who historically is not easy to impress—and was the impetus for the switch.

The Lord admitted that he putted “very well” with a conventional putter but wanted to try the long putter to see what all the fuss was about.

God expected some good-natured barbs from St. Peter, who is part of his regular group, but said with a chuckle, “I can handle Simon Peter. I’ve long known his weaknesses, both on and off the golf course.”

God characterized himself as a recreational golfer, yet declined to reveal how many rounds he has logged this year. Asked how much he plays, God simply said, “More than the Pope and less than President Obama.”

Next up, he added, is one of his favorite golf outings, the annual father-son tournament.

−The Armchair Golfer

Related:
Weary of Golf, God Rains Out Viking Classic

(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)