Exclusive Q&A: The Weather Talks Open Championship

IN AN EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW, the Weather spoke to ARMCHAIR GOLF about Open Championship week, including some hints on what to expect the next four days at the Old Course.

Q: Thanks for doing this.

WEATHER: Sure.

Q: Everybody was talking about you today.

WEATHER: I’m used to it (chuckling). It’s raining sideways. I’ve heard that one since Old Tom was knocking wine-bottle corks through the streets of St. Andrews. The American press is particularly amusing. All that rot about this is what summer is like in Scotland.

Q. Does the talk bother you?

WEATHER: Not at all. I actually look forward to it. Mid July is always highlighted on my calendar, a very special week for me.

Q: Can you tell us which players are most flustered by you?

WEATHER: No, I’d rather not. It’s not sporting. Sorry.

Q: But you know who they are.

WEATHER: Oh, sure. I can always tell. Watch closely and you’ll see. The body language, the crazy shots, the slammed clubs. I really get into some players’ heads.

Q: This field is made up of 156 of the world’s top players. Wouldn’t you agree that most have played championship golf in all kinds of conditions?

WEATHER: Many of the players talk a great game. They talk about Open experience, their preparation, how they love links golf in a stiff breeze, playing the ball on the ground, the bounces, good and bad. It’s total rubbish. The truth is, I scare the FootJoys off them. They’re little boys who want their mums.

Q: I don’t know how to ask this.

WEATHER: Just go ahead.

Q: Do you have a strategy?

WEATHER: Not exactly. I show up and things develop from there. Some wind. Some rain. Nothing too complicated. I usually restrain myself somewhat. Most years, it could be a lot worse. At Carnoustie a few years back things got completely out of kilter. I admit it.

Q: Some like you, though. There are those who really thrive on you during Open week.

WEATHER: I do have my share of friends in the R&A. They are always glad to see me and tend to fret if I’m too calm. Most of the others who are fond of me don’t have to play.

Q: The forecast is calling for rain on Thursday, rain and wind on Friday, showers on Saturday, and showers on Sunday.

WEATHER: Weather forecasters. Now there’s a bunch.

Q: Are they wrong?

WEATHER: You’ll have to watch.

Q: Thanks for taking the time.

WEATHER: My pleasure. Enjoy the Open.

−The Armchair Golfer

(This is an ARMCHAIR GOLF spoof.)